{"id":615,"date":"2024-08-19T19:43:22","date_gmt":"2024-08-19T19:43:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ehlendergisi.com\/?p=615"},"modified":"2024-08-19T19:44:28","modified_gmt":"2024-08-19T19:44:28","slug":"nazanin-cenneti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ehlendergisi.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/nazanin-cenneti\/","title":{"rendered":"NAZAN\u2019IN CENNET\u0130"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Mustafa Kemal Ers\u00f6z<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWa-ana athkuru Rita mithlama yathkuru asfurun ghadeera\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eubat\u2019\u0131n be\u015finci g\u00fcn\u00fc, vakit gece, ortal\u0131k zemheri k\u0131yamet buras\u0131 Amed. Ulu Camii\u2019nin kar\u015f\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131m\u0131nda durmu\u015f Musab yine sigara i\u00e7iyor. Botlar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ine giydi\u011fi kat kat \u00e7oraplar\u0131 kar suyundan s\u0131r\u0131ls\u0131klam nedense \u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcyor, zihni duru ve a\u00e7\u0131k i\u00e7inde nedensiz bir ferahl\u0131k mu\u015fmula surat\u0131 varl\u0131\u011fa g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor. Musab, mutlu. Birka\u00e7 d\u00fckk\u00e2n \u00f6tede gen\u00e7ten iki \u00e7ocuk tezg\u00e2h topluyor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  Gece ayd\u0131nl\u0131k, bu gece neden bu kadar ayd\u0131nl\u0131k?  El ayak \u00e7ekilmi\u015f kalan birka\u00e7 tekinsiz berdu\u015f, birka\u00e7 i\u015f\u00e7i, gececi taksici, \u00e7orbac\u0131lar, tezg\u00e2h\u00e7\u0131lar, sigaradan ba\u015fka bir \u015fey kabul etmeyen dilenci kad\u0131n hepsi de nedense ne\u015feli. \u015eu ayaz k\u0131\u015f gecesi Amed\u2019te kardan ayd\u0131nl\u0131k Suri\u00e7i\u2019nde bir dirilik, bir esenlik. Hay\u0131rd\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  Musab, mutluluktan, mutlu anlardan pek haz etmez.  Do\u011frusu o ki mutluluk Musab\u2019\u0131 hep tedirgin eder.  Mutlu anlardan oldum olas\u0131 i\u015fkillenir. \u201cBir \u015feyler yanl\u0131\u015f gidiyor olmal\u0131? Bir \u015feyi unutuyor olmal\u0131y\u0131z?\u201d <\/em>diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr. Mutlu anlar ancak sessizce yakla\u015fmakta olan aksiliklerin, onu ve \u00e7evresini gafil avlayacak musibetlerin habercisi olabilirler.  Safi g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyince mu\u015fmulaya benzedi\u011finden de\u011fil biraz da bu evhamdan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemekten her zaman imtina eder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  Musab, mutlulu\u011fa, g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeye kar\u015f\u0131 hep temkinli hep itidalidir. Ah g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fc yar\u0131m, sevinci acele Musab, sol yana\u011f\u0131na ayaz vuruyor. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sola \u00e7eviriyor.  Sol taraf\u0131 Suri\u00e7i, i\u00e7inden bir ses onu oraya \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor. Ayaklar\u0131 gitmiyor, zihni gitmiyor.  O nedenden deminden beri \u00f6yle Camii\u2019nin \u00f6n\u00fcnde dikilmi\u015f bekliyor. Gitse nereye gidecek Suri\u00e7i art\u0131k uzak Toledo kadar uzak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Bilinmezli\u011fe, belirsizli\u011fe kar\u015f\u0131 dayanaks\u0131zd\u0131r Musab, bunlar onu kayg\u0131land\u0131r\u0131r hatta d\u00fcped\u00fcz korkutur. Musab, Korkuyla nas\u0131l ba\u015f edece\u011fini bilemez. Korku ona tan\u0131d\u0131k bir duygu de\u011fildir. Zihni bulan\u0131r, kuruntulan\u0131r. \u015eimdi de \u00f6yle sanki le havle \u00e7ekip bir cesaretle k\u00f6\u015feyi d\u00f6nse minarenin dibinde bir adam vurulacak. H\u0131rpani bir \u00e7ocuk \u00fczerine at\u0131l\u0131p yakas\u0131ndan tutacak \u201cSu diyorum arkada\u015f. Su! Su<\/em>!\u201d<\/em> diye ondan hesap soracak. Ve i\u015fte yine h\u00fcsn\u00fckuruntular\u0131yla ba\u015f edemedi ruhunu kemiren kayg\u0131y\u0131 defedemedi. Sigaras\u0131n\u0131 yere at\u0131p otele d\u00f6nmeye karar k\u0131ld\u0131.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

  <\/em>\u201cNereye Payidar nereye?\u201d. <\/em>\u00c7\u0131k\u0131yor mu bu yol bir yere?  \u00d6rt\u00fcne b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcp de kula\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerine yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda hakikat kaybolup da gidiyor mu?  Ars\u0131zl\u0131kla, hay\u00e2s\u0131zl\u0131kla atlay\u0131nca hakikat duvar\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinden kurtulunabiliyor mu hakikaten? Yalanla, dolanla, inkarla d\u00f6n\u00fcyor mu d\u00fcnya?  Ah d\u00f6nek Musab, pa\u00e7ay\u0131 s\u0131y\u0131ran Musab, \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor mu bu yol bir yere? \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131. K\u00f6\u015fe ba\u015f\u0131ndaki tekel b\u00fcfesine \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.  Hala cebinde bir tam paketi olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen bir paket sigara daha ald\u0131. Odada hala yar\u0131m \u015fi\u015fe viskisi olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen iki Desperado bira daha ald\u0131.  \u0130htiyati Musab, \u00f6mr\u00fcne ihtiyati tedbirler konan Musab! Pasaportsuz Musab! Y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fcp ge\u00e7ti, bir s\u00fcrekli haks\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inden bir s\u00fcrekli unutulmu\u015flu\u011fun, bir s\u00fcrekli itilmi\u015fli\u011fin i\u00e7inden bir vazge\u00e7i\u015f gibi bir ilgisizlikle ge\u00e7ti ayaklar\u0131n\u0131 kardan bal\u00e7\u0131klardan kurtarmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015farak bin y\u0131ll\u0131k bir yoldan geldi otelin kap\u0131s\u0131na vard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  Sanki odan\u0131n \u00fccreti \u00f6denmemi\u015f gibi fark edilmemeyi umarak mahcup, gizli, \u00e7abuk ad\u0131mlarla lobiden ge\u00e7meye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz olarak resepsiyon g\u00f6revlisiyle g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldi. G\u00f6revli hafif\u00e7e yerinden do\u011frulup \u2013 \u201cHo\u015f geldiniz hocam.\u201d <\/em>dedi.  \u2013 \u201cHo\u015f bulduk hocam.\u201d<\/em> diyerek mukabele etti.  Bir an yukar\u0131ya asans\u00f6rle mi \u00e7\u0131ksa merdivenlerden mi \u00e7\u0131ksa diye teredd\u00fct etti. Erindi.  \u0130\u015fini \u015fansa b\u0131rakmay\u0131 sevmezdi. Asans\u00f6r\u00fcn her iki y\u00f6ndeki tu\u015funa da bast\u0131.  Asans\u00f6r\u00fcn kap\u0131s\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. Boy aynas\u0131nda kendisiyle y\u00fcz y\u00fcze geldi.  O ilk anda kendini gayet yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131 buldu.  Uzun boylu, ince yap\u0131l\u0131, esmer, sert bak\u0131\u015fl\u0131, gen\u00e7ten orta ya\u015fl\u0131 bir adamd\u0131. \u201cAyn hele Y\u0131lmaz G\u00fcney mi desem? Kadir \u0130nan\u0131r m\u0131 desem?\u201d<\/em> diye kendiyle alay etti. Aynadaki sil\u00fcetine g\u00f6zlerini k\u0131rparak g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi. Aynalara pek itimad\u0131 yoktu. S\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 aynaya d\u00f6n\u00fcp kat numaras\u0131na bast\u0131. Ne\u015felenmi\u015fti.  Omzuyla belli belirsiz dans fig\u00fcrleri yaparak m\u0131r\u0131ldanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131: \u201cAzez allaya-n- nom teifak ala baly! Gheir es-salah wis-s-som ma sabbarou vely.\u201d <\/em>Asans\u00f6rden indi. Odas\u0131n\u0131 bir \u00e7abuk buldu. Kart\u0131 okuttu kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p odaya girdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Sar\u0131 s\u0131cak \u0131\u015f\u0131klarla ayd\u0131nlat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f odada onu, istirahatin miskin huzuruna davet eden ho\u015f bir koku kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131. Biralar\u0131n\u0131 minibar\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131na dizdi. G\u00f6mle\u011fini ve atletini \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p sandalyenin arkal\u0131\u011f\u0131na serdi. \u00c7oraplar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p pencerenin pervaz\u0131na ast\u0131. Ceplerindeki \u0131v\u0131r z\u0131v\u0131rlar\u0131 rastgele masan\u0131n \u00fczerine b\u0131rakt\u0131. Televizyonun uzaktan kumandas\u0131n\u0131 arand\u0131; televizyonu a\u00e7t\u0131, oda da bir ses olsundu! Odaya g\u00f6z gezdirip; ne yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Minibardan bir bira \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 masan\u0131n kenar\u0131na vurarak a\u00e7t\u0131.  H\u0131zl\u0131ca i\u00e7ti. Hafif hissediyordu. Ne de olsa ayakta so\u011fuk bir bira i\u00e7mi\u015f kadar bir anlam\u0131 olmu\u015ftu. Tesbihini ald\u0131. Sol elini belininin arkas\u0131nda koyup, sa\u011f kolunu dirsekten k\u0131r\u0131p tesbihi ekseni etraf\u0131nda \u00e7evirerek kendince fig\u00fcrler yapmaya ba\u015flad\u0131: \u201cYa Zaaref et toul waggef ta- gullak rayeh el gurbi vi belledek ahsenlak!\u201d<\/em>  Yalla tiyr! \u201cYa Bourdain ya bourdene vi-q\u0131nlanik ya halwi zehlene.\u201d<\/em> Fakso! \u201cEndel subuh g\u00fcnayd\u0131n gel can\u0131m gel can\u0131m endel mesel iyi ak\u015famlar gel can\u0131m gel can\u0131m.\u2019\u2019  <\/em>Her \u015fey gittik\u00e7e sa\u00e7mala\u015f\u0131yordu. Durdu. Yata\u011f\u0131n kenar\u0131na oturup bir sigara yakt\u0131. K\u00fcll\u00fck arand\u0131. Sigara i\u00e7ilmeyen odayd\u0131.  Bir k\u00fcf\u00fcr gibi \u2013 \u201cehlen reis\u201d<\/em> diye s\u00f6ylendi. Bo\u015f bira \u015fi\u015fesini k\u00fcll\u00fck olarak kullanmaya karar verdi.  O aral\u0131k g\u00f6z\u00fc televizyona tak\u0131ld\u0131.  Replikas\u0131n\u0131n replikas\u0131ndan zilyon tane olan haber kanallar\u0131ndan biri a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.  Ekran karelere b\u00f6l\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f her karede bir kravat-ceket kafa g\u00fcndemdeki istinas\u0131z her konuya ili\u015fkin ahkam buyuruyorlard\u0131.  K\u00e2h bir tank\u0131n \u00fczerine \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f kom\u015fu memleketlere yap\u0131lacak taarruzu sevk ve idare ediyorlard\u0131. K\u00e2h bir kruvaz\u00f6r\u00fcn kaptan k\u00f6\u015fk\u00fcnde ellerinde mezura milim milim k\u0131ta sahanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcyorlar, k\u00e2h Merkez Bankas\u0131 para piyasalar\u0131 kurulunda reeskont ve avans faiz oranlar\u0131n\u0131 belirliyorlar, k\u00e2h El-Ezher\u2019in m\u00fctevellit heyetinde f\u0131k\u0131h ve kelam meseleleri \u00fczerine engin tefekk\u00fcrlerini a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131yorlard\u0131. Oradan d\u00f6nerken de yoldan Galatasaray\u2019a iki orta saha bir sa\u011f bek al\u0131yorlard\u0131. Her \u015fey gittik\u00e7e sa\u00e7mala\u015f\u0131yordu. Her \u015fey gittik\u00e7e ucuzluyordu. Daha fazla katlanamad\u0131. \u201cAllah in\u2019el kizip\u201d<\/em> diye \u00fcnledi. Televizyonu kapatt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 S\u0131rt \u00fcst\u00fc yata\u011fa uzand\u0131 tavan\u0131 seyrederken akl\u0131na Cimbom\u2019un Trabzon\u2019la ma\u00e7\u0131 oldu\u011fu geldi. Saate bakt\u0131 ma\u00e7 saati yakla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Y\u00fcre\u011fi p\u0131rp\u0131r etti. \u0130yi ki Galatasaray vard\u0131.  Hemen bir bira daha ald\u0131, yast\u0131\u011f\u0131 telefonuna dayanak yap\u0131p ma\u00e7\u0131 beklemeye ba\u015flad\u0131.  Daha ma\u00e7 ba\u015flamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki Trabzon ilk gol\u00fc att\u0131. Ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7att\u0131. Oturu\u015funu d\u00fczeltti. \u0130\u015fler iyi gitmiyordu. Vaziyete bir el atmal\u0131yd\u0131; ciddile\u015fti. Neyse ki Musab\u2019a \u00e7ok i\u015f d\u00fc\u015fmedi. Trabzon\u2019un \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc uzun s\u00fcrmedi. A\u015fk\u0131n olay\u0131m<\/em> i\u015fleri hallediyordu. Savunmac\u0131larla bo\u011fu\u015fup Mertens\u2019in \u00f6n\u00fcne b\u0131rakt\u0131 1-1! \u0130kinin de gelece\u011fi a\u015fik\u00e2rd\u0131; Cimbom sa\u011fdan soldan y\u00fckleniyordu. Musab, rahatlad\u0131, keyiflendi. Yerinden kalk\u0131p su barda\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6z karar\u0131 bir duble viski koydu.  Daha yerine kurulmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131 bu defa ikinci gol\u00fc kendisi att\u0131: \u201cA\u015fk\u0131n olay\u0131m gel bir saray\u0131m\u201d. <\/em> Galatasaray iyi ki vard\u0131! Hi\u00e7 yoktan heyecanlanmak, sevinmek, mutlu olmak i\u00e7in bir neden, hasbi \u00fcz\u00fclmek, hiddetlenmek, s\u00f6vebilmek i\u00e7in bir sebep! Kendinden daha b\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u015feyin par\u00e7as\u0131 olman\u0131n verdi\u011fi aidiyet hissi, g\u00fcven duygusu, kabul g\u00f6rmenin memnuniyeti! Varolu\u015fa bir delil anl\u0131 \u015fanl\u0131 Galatasaray! Ah stereotip Musab!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Ma\u00e7 \u00f6yle bitti. Bir sek viski daha ald\u0131 tek yudumda i\u00e7ti. Pencereye se\u011firtti gecenin ayaz\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7arpt\u0131. Biraz galibiyetten biraz da pe\u015f pe\u015fe i\u00e7ilen bira ve viskilerden \u00e7ak\u0131rkeyif ama zinde hissediyordu. B\u00fct\u00fcn o inceden inceye ruhunu kemiren kayg\u0131lardan, efkardan bir an olsun s\u0131yr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibiydi.  M\u00fcstakil, \u015fuh ve m\u00fcsterihti. \u015eehrin k\u0131z\u0131l sil\u00fcetini seyrederken beyni enstit\u00fcde bir saat gibi i\u015fliyordu. M\u00fcstesna kimseler ge\u00e7iyordu akl\u0131ndan bir ge\u00e7it t\u00f6reni gibi, doruk anlar, engin duyumsamalar, hepsi de medcezir gibi yakamoz gibi akl\u0131nda parlay\u0131p s\u00f6n\u00fcyorlard\u0131; Ahmed Hamdi mesela, Haba\u015f, Kenef\u00e2n\u00ee, Behrengi, Abu Ali Mustafa, Sabah Fakhri, Ciwan Haco, Camilo,  Shevchenko, Mahir, kap\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fi\u011finde yasemin kokusu, ilk sabah\u0131n sevinci, \u00f6\u011fle uykusu, g\u00fcnd\u00fcz d\u00fc\u015fleri, ikindi namaz\u0131na m\u00fcteakip bir camii serinli\u011fi, kavun ta\u015f\u0131yan kamyonlar, u\u00e7urtma bayramlar\u0131, oyunu kullanmayan bir anne, hayretle hadi baba gene yap diyen o\u011flunu g\u00fcld\u00fcren baban\u0131n muzip h\u00fcneri, Kazanc\u0131\u2019dan Taksim\u2019e akan K\u0131z\u0131l\u0131rmak, Heathrow\u2019da planlanmam\u0131\u015f bir ini\u015f, g\u00fcne\u015fin alt\u0131ndaki adam, yeniden ba\u015flayan\u0131n heyecan\u0131, bir dertten kurtulmu\u015f olan\u0131n ilk uykuya dal\u0131\u015f\u0131, kahvalt\u0131da s\u0131cak ekmek bu\u011fusu, Maradona\u2019n\u0131n Yunanistan ma\u00e7\u0131ndaki gol sevinci, Hagi\u2019nin  Rapid Wien\u2019e att\u0131\u011f\u0131 gol, Tol\u2019un a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u015f c\u00fcmlesi, \u00c7avdar Tarlas\u0131nda \u00c7ocuklar\u2019\u0131n kapan\u0131\u015f c\u00fcmlesi, Hey You\u2019nun orta yerinde g\u00fcmb\u00fcrdemeye ba\u015flayan davullara feryatla e\u015flik eden gitar solosu, tecritte gen\u00e7 bir devrimcinin s\u00f6yledi\u011fi t\u00fcrk\u00fc, S\u00fcphan Da\u011f\u0131\u2019n\u0131n ete\u011findeki g\u00fcl… \u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle \u015feyler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor; beyninin i\u015fleyi\u015fini yava\u015flatam\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Oysa vakit bir hayli olmu\u015ftu. Art\u0131k uyumas\u0131 gerekiyordu. Sabah i\u015f g\u00fc\u00e7 onu beklerdi. Uyuyabilmek i\u00e7in bir yol d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Ne zaman bu gibi \u00e7etrefil kararlar vermesi gerekse bir sigara yakard\u0131. Yakt\u0131. Bir yol da buldu. De\u011fil mi ki en tatl\u0131 uyku rezil uykuydu.  Terli, s\u0131k nefes, rezil, s\u0131zd\u0131; Uyudu!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  Bir k\u00e2ri sars\u0131nt\u0131yla uyand\u0131. Yatak ve bilc\u00fcmle her \u015fey ileriye geriye, sa\u011fa sola zang\u0131rdayarak sallan\u0131yordu.  Ne oldu\u011funu teredd\u00fcts\u00fcz anlad\u0131. \u0130lk \u00fcrk\u00fcnt\u00fcn\u00fcn esaretine teslim olmadan tek hamlede yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerden f\u0131rlad\u0131. Sandalyenin \u00fczerinden pantolonunu kapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi kap\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fi\u011fine s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131. Bina m\u00fccrim gibi titreyerek inliyor, kiri\u015fler g\u0131c\u0131rd\u0131yordu. \u0130nsanlar ekseriyetle yar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131plak, deh\u015fetli hayk\u0131r\u0131\u015flar, yakar\u0131\u015flar, \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar i\u00e7inde merdivenlere do\u011fru ko\u015fuyordu. Bir an insan\u0131 sersemleten endi\u015fenin \u015fehvetiyle o korku seline kap\u0131l\u0131p pe\u015flerinden gitmeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Daha davranmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki \u00f6\u011frenilmi\u015f bir \u00e7aresizlikle kap\u0131 e\u015fi\u011finin daha emin oldu\u011funa kanaat getirip oldu\u011fu yerde durdu.  Sanki zaman\u0131n zembere\u011fi e\u011firmi\u015f bir c\u0131va gibi her y\u00f6ne do\u011fru genle\u015fiyor, uzuyordu. Sars\u0131nt\u0131 durmak bilmiyordu.  V\u00e2k\u0131a ak\u0131betine raz\u0131 geldi. Dizlerini k\u0131rarak oldu\u011fu yerde \u00e7\u00f6meldi. Bir r\u00fcyan\u0131n i\u00e7inde gibiydi her \u015feyi fark edecek, hat\u0131rlayacak kadar bilinci uyan\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hissedemeyecek, k\u0131m\u0131ldamayacak kadar dumura u\u011fram\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hissedemiyordu ya insan \u00f6l\u00fcme yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a \u00f6l\u00fcm fikrinden o nispette uzakla\u015f\u0131yordu. Bir ku\u015f gibi hafiflemi\u015fti, ba\u015ftan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 v\u00fccudunu yumu\u015fak bir serinlik, huzur kaplam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.  \u0130\u00e7inden \u201cBurada m\u0131 olacakt\u0131 Musab?\u201d<\/em> diye ge\u00e7irdi; g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi ve gayri ihtiyari m\u0131r\u0131ldanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131: \u201cVed duh\u00e2. Vel leyli iz\u00e2 sec\u00e2. M\u00e2 veddeake rabbuke ve m\u00e2 kal\u00e2. Ve lel \u00e2h\u0131ratu hayrun leke minel \u00fbl\u00e2.\u201d<\/em> Zelzele durdu. \u015ea\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131k i\u00e7erisinde etraf\u0131n\u0131 kol a\u00e7an ederek do\u011fruldu. \u015eimdilik \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcne kadar hayattayd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sandalyenin \u00fczerinde kalan di\u011fer elbiselerini ve masan\u0131n \u00fczerindeki c\u00fczdan\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131verip uzun ad\u0131mlarla olanca s\u00fcratiyle merdivenlerden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 indi. Otelin giri\u015f kap\u0131s\u0131na vard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda atletini ba\u015f\u0131ndan ge\u00e7irip g\u00f6mle\u011fini giyindi. Botlar\u0131n\u0131 o tela\u015f i\u00e7erisinde odada unutmu\u015ftu. Yal\u0131n ayak, yal\u0131n kat g\u00f6mlek gecenin zemherisinin buz kesti\u011fi soka\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. \u0130nsanlar y\u00fczlerinde hezeyan\u0131n mustarip ve derin \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla isimler \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rarak bir \u015feyler aran\u0131rcas\u0131na, bir yerlere yeti\u015fmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rcas\u0131na h\u0131zl\u0131ca y\u00fcr\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Bir m\u00fchlet insanlar\u0131 ve u\u011fultulu soka\u011f\u0131 seyretti. Sigara paketini arand\u0131 mamafih onu da yukar\u0131da unutmu\u015ftu. Bu \u015farka mahsus mah\u015fer manzaras\u0131 i\u00e7erisinde soka\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6\u015fesine muntazam bir bi\u00e7imde konu\u015flanm\u0131\u015f tekmili \u00fcniformal\u0131 ve baretli ecnebi grup g\u00f6z\u00fcne ili\u015fti. Gruptakiler sokaktaki geri kalan her \u015feyin z\u0131tt\u0131 gibiydiler. Oradaki varl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 yads\u0131mamak m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi. Nerden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bu insanlar? Ne vakit giyinmi\u015flerdi? Neden az \u00f6nce bir felaketi beraber ya\u015famam\u0131\u015f\u0131z gibi serinkanl\u0131lard\u0131? Hem bu insanlar\u0131n burada ne i\u015fi vard\u0131 yahu? Kimdi bunlar? Yine de bu sorular \u00fczerine daha fazla d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden gruba do\u011fru yakla\u015f\u0131p i\u00e7lerinden birine \u201cCan you give me a cigarette?\u201d<\/em> diye rica etti.  Muhatap soruyu cevaplamadan cebinden \u00fczerinde Kiril alfabesini and\u0131ran harfler olan paketi \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Musab\u2019a iki tek sigara uzatt\u0131.  Musab, bu tuhaf ve tekinsiz grubun yan\u0131nda daha fazla durmak istemedi. Oradan ayr\u0131l\u0131p k\u00f6\u015fe ba\u015f\u0131nda vaveyla i\u00e7inde telefonda birileriyle K\u00fcrt\u00e7e konu\u015fan ya\u011f\u0131z gence yana\u015ft\u0131 ve konu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 b\u00f6lmek istemedi\u011finden eliyle i\u015faret ederek \u00e7akmak istedi. Gen\u00e7 yine eliyle bir lahza dercesine i\u015faret edip Musab\u2019\u0131n sigaras\u0131n\u0131 yakt\u0131 ve y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakmadan eliyle usulca onu selamlad\u0131. Her \u015fey gittik\u00e7e sa\u00e7mala\u015f\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Muhtemel art\u00e7\u0131 sars\u0131nt\u0131lara kar\u015f\u0131n tedbiren caddeyi ortalayarak es-S\u00e2\u02bbat   bir a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 bir yukar\u0131 yol boyu y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. Kendince hasar tespiti yap\u0131yordu. Ne bir y\u0131k\u0131mla ne de kayda de\u011fer bir hasarla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u0130nsanlar da ilk gafletin pani\u011fini \u00fczerlerinden atm\u0131\u015f sakinleyip, durulmu\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Her \u015fey normale d\u00f6n\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00dc\u015f\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc hissetmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Ucuz atlatm\u0131\u015f olan\u0131n rehavetiyle otele do\u011fru yolland\u0131. Lobiye vard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kendini yeniden t\u00e2mme curcunan\u0131n i\u00e7erisinde buldu. \u0130nsanlar sinyalleri kesilmi\u015f telefonlar\u0131yla ailelerine, e\u015f-dostlar\u0131na ula\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Bir haber alamad\u0131k\u00e7a derine gitmi\u015f bak\u0131\u015flarla ne yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmez bir halde lobi i\u00e7inde geziniyor.  A\u011fla\u015f\u0131yor. Birbirlerine sar\u0131l\u0131yor, nafile s\u00f6zlerle birbirlerini teskin etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131.  T\u00fcm bu feryat figan heng\u00e2menin i\u00e7erisinde telefonuyla oynayan bir kad\u0131n yan\u0131ndakilere d\u00f6nerek herhangi bir \u015feyden bahseder gibi, alelade bir haberi laf aras\u0131nda payla\u015f\u0131r gibi \u201cAntakya y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f.\u201d<\/em> dedi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6mr\u00fc hayat\u0131nda duyup duyabilece\u011fi en me\u015f\u2019um havadisi \u00f6ylece laf aras\u0131nda davetsiz bir kulak misafiri olarak alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.  \u0130nsan\u0131n akl\u0131 havsalas\u0131n\u0131n alamayaca\u011f\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck olaylar hep \u00f6yle olabildi\u011fince basit \u015fa\u015f\u0131lacak derecede ola\u011fan bir bi\u00e7imde olmuyor muydu? Eli, aya\u011f\u0131, kan\u0131, y\u00fcre\u011fi buz kesti! Oldu\u011fu yerde kala kald\u0131. Ne k\u0131m\u0131ldayabiliyor ne bir ba\u015fka tepki verebiliyordu.  \u0130lk \u015fokun insan\u0131 yere m\u0131hlayan sars\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131ndan kurtulur kurtulmaz lobiye gitti ve a\u011flamakl\u0131 titrek bir sesle g\u00f6revliden telefonunu kullanmay\u0131 rica etti. Ezbere bildi\u011fi tek numaray\u0131 parmaklar\u0131 titreyerek \u00e7evirdi. \u201cArad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z ki\u015fiye \u015fu anda ula\u015f\u0131lam\u0131yor l\u00fctfen daha sonra tekrar deneyiniz.\u201d<\/em> Tekrar denedi, tekrar ve tekrar ve tekraren. Ula\u015famad\u0131!  Dizlerinin ba\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc, i\u00e7inden bir \u015feyler koptu, korkunun, kaybetmenin so\u011fuk b\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 karn\u0131ndan g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcne dek b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00f6vdesini yard\u0131! \u00d6l\u00fcm insan\u0131n sevdiklerine yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a \u00f6l\u00fcm fikri, yitirmenin azametli korkusu o nispette insana yak\u0131nla\u015f\u0131yordu! Ancak, \u201cBaba \u00f6lmeyin!\u201d <\/em>diyebildi! \u201cBaba l\u00fctfen \u00f6lmeyin! Telefonu a\u00e7 baba! Baba!!\u201d <\/em>diye hayk\u0131rd\u0131! Oldu\u011fu yere \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc! Musab \u015fimdi ger\u00e7ekten her \u015feyini kaybetmi\u015fti.  <\/em>H\u00fcng\u00fcr h\u00fcng\u00fcr a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Art\u0131k a\u011flamaktan bitap d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde, a\u011flayacak denli kuvveti dahi kalmad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda i\u00e7inde ancak beterin beterini bile g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f bedbaht bi\u00e7arelerin idrak edebilece\u011fi bir kuvvet, bir cesaret uyand\u0131. Daha ne olabilirdi ki?  Ne olacaksa olsun onlar \u00f6ld\u00fcyse ben niye ya\u015f\u0131yorum?<\/em> diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. \u00c7\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc yerden bir h\u0131\u015f\u0131mla l\u00fcverden f\u0131rlar gibi kalkt\u0131. \u0130\u00e7ine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc zillet tufan\u0131n\u0131 yararak merdiven basamaklar\u0131n\u0131 iki\u015fer-\u00fc\u00e7er t\u0131rmand\u0131 neredeyse tek solukta odas\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.  Telefonunu ald\u0131. Hala sinyal yoktu. Ailesindeki herkesi tek tek aramay\u0131 denedi. Hi\u00e7 kimseye ula\u015famad\u0131. Kendini d\u00fcnyada yapayaln\u0131z hissetti. \u0130lk kez sahiden yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ne oldu\u011fuyla y\u00fczle\u015fti.  Her tehlikeye, her ihtimale big\u00e2ne bir halde \u00f6ylece yata\u011f\u0131n kenar\u0131na ili\u015fti.  Whatsapp \u00fczerinden aile grubuna sesli mesaj g\u00f6nderdi: \u201cNe olur beni duyan bana bir cevap versin.\u201d <\/em>Yevmed din!  \u015eimdi cevaps\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, yank\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, sessizli\u011fin, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, ger\u00e7ek \u00e7aresizli\u011fin ne menem bela oldu\u011funu anl\u0131yordu. Bir sarahat hali \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc \u00fczerine neyi var neyi yok \u00e7antas\u0131na t\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n aksine a\u011f\u0131r ad\u0131mlara merdivenlerden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 indi. Kap\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Bedbin bir sigara yakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne kadar oldu\u011funu bilmedi\u011fi k\u0131yas\u0131ya uzun dakikalar\u0131n ard\u0131ndan iletisine bir kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k ald\u0131. \u201cBiz iyiyiz. Herkes iyi, hepimiz \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k. Hepimiz birlikteyiz.<\/em> Biz iyiyiz.\u201d  <\/em>\u0130yi hi\u00e7 bu kadar iyi olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u0130\u00e7indeki son mukavemet direnci de \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc. Musab\u2019\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7 bela ayakta tutan son kolon da devrildi. Bacaklar\u0131 bo\u015fald\u0131 S\u00fcleyman\u2019\u0131n asas\u0131 gibi \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. A\u011flad\u0131!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Kendini toparlayabildi\u011finde soka\u011f\u0131 iyiden iyiye tenhala\u015fm\u0131\u015f buldu. Neredeyse el ayak \u00e7ekilmi\u015fti. Gece \u015fafa\u011fa yaz\u0131yordu. Da\u011fkap\u0131\u2019ya do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc.  Y\u00fcksek binalara bak\u0131nd\u0131. Hepsi yerli yerinde duruyordu. \u0130\u00e7i rahatlad\u0131. Art\u0131k yaln\u0131zca sabah olsun istiyordu. Sabah\u0131 bekliyordu. El-nihayet sabah\u0131n g\u00fcne\u015fi, onu, otelin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fi\u011finde bitkin, uykusuz, hazin bir halde sigara i\u00e7erken buldu. Musab, g\u00fcn \u0131\u015f\u0131r \u0131\u015f\u0131maz otogara gitmek i\u00e7in bir vas\u0131ta aranmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Taksi aran\u0131yor, ge\u00e7en her otomobile otostop i\u015fareti yap\u0131yordu. Bir minib\u00fcs mahzun yard\u0131m \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k verdi. \u201cPismam otogara gidiyorum, atla.\u201d <\/em>Atlad\u0131.  Minib\u00fcs, kentimizin g\u00fczide semtlerinden, story\u2019lik<\/em> m\u0131nt\u0131kalar\u0131ndan, Toledo\u2019dan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p Amed\u2019in i\u00e7ine do\u011fru ilerledi. Birbirine omuz vermi\u015f biti\u015fik nizam, k\u00f6hne, boyas\u0131z, badanas\u0131z giri\u015fleri lo\u015f karanl\u0131k binalar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan darac\u0131k pasakl\u0131 sokaklardan ge\u00e7ti.  Yoksullu\u011fun, y\u0131\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, y\u0131lg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7ti. Otogara vard\u0131. – \u201cKarde\u015fim Antakya\u2019ya gidiyorum.\u201d – \u201cGitmez abe, Mersin\u2019e gider<\/em>.\u201d<\/em> Gitsin bir yere gitsin de bindi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Siverek\u2019ten, Hilvan\u2019dan, Urfa\u2019dan, Nizip\u2019ten, Antep\u2019ten te\u011fet ge\u00e7ti. Yol boyunca otogarlardaki insan kalabal\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 ve otobanlara ba\u011flanan arterlerdeki ara\u00e7 yo\u011funluklar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6z ard\u0131 edecek olursa herhangi bir ola\u011fan d\u0131\u015f\u0131 duruma tesad\u00fcf etmemi\u015fti.  Mamafih \u00e7oluk-\u00e7ocuk, ihtiyar maaile ara\u00e7lar\u0131na dolu\u015fmu\u015f insanlar\u0131n y\u00fczlerindeki donakalm\u0131\u015f \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131ktan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc tahmin ediyor oldu\u011fundan daha vahim bir durum olabilece\u011fini kestirebiliyordu.  Neredeyse ak\u015fam olmak \u00fczereydi ilk ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u0131sa iletiden bu yana bir daha kimseden haber alamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Telefonlardan hala sinyal al\u0131nam\u0131yordu. Belirsizli\u011fin puslu d\u00fczl\u00fcklerinde yuvalanm\u0131\u015f kar\u0131nca ordular\u0131 beynini kemiriyordu.  Otob\u00fcse bindi\u011finden beridir bir dal dahi sigara i\u00e7memi\u015fti. Yoksunlu\u011fun tepelerinde mevzilenmi\u015f gerilla birlikleri serke\u015f taarruzlar\u0131yla solu\u011funu kesiyordu. Ense k\u00f6k\u00fcnde darbe yemi\u015f\u00e7esine bir a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131k, g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesinde bir yumru elma oturmu\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na daralma, kulaklar\u0131nda yanma, ayak parmaklar\u0131nda uyu\u015fma hissediyordu. Yerinde duram\u0131yordu. Hababam koltuk aralar\u0131nda voltaya \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu. Her m\u00fcnasip f\u0131rsatta bu ring arac\u0131 misali otob\u00fcsten firar etmeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu. Ba\u015fka da bir \u015fey d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemiyordu.  Art\u0131k sadece otob\u00fcsten inebilmek istiyordu. \u0130ndi, K\u00f6m\u00fcrler\u2019i bir \u00f6m\u00fcr s\u00fcrede ge\u00e7ip Nurda\u011f\u0131\u2019na vard\u0131klar\u0131nda mecburen indi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u0130ndi de ne oldu? Allahumme yassir! <\/em> Yewme\u2019l Asir\u2019i orada g\u00f6rd\u00fc. Yolun her iki taraf\u0131nda uzak-yak\u0131n devasa alevler y\u00fckselmekteydi. Alevlerin harlar\u0131 karanl\u0131k g\u00f6\u011f\u00fc k\u0131z\u0131la alevlerin dumanlar\u0131 g\u00f6\u011f\u00fc kur\u015funiye boyam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00c7ok uzaklardan kentlerin kimi sar\u0131 kimi beyaz par\u0131ldayan \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 se\u00e7ilebiliyordu. Yolun kenar\u0131ndaki tek t\u00fck mezra evleri \u00f6nlerinde duran tar\u0131m makinalar\u0131 alet edevatlar\u0131yla birlikte terk edilmi\u015f gibiydi. T\u00fcm bu insan\u0131 hayretlere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcren felaket manzaras\u0131n\u0131 yolun her iki istikametini de t\u0131kam\u0131\u015f ara\u00e7lar\u0131n far \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131, yang\u0131n b\u00f6lgelerine \u00e7\u0131kan yol a\u011f\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131 kesmi\u015f tam te\u00e7hizatl\u0131 askerler, biteviye klakson \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131, itfaiye, ambulans, polis otomobilleri, karayollar\u0131na ait kurtarma ara\u00e7lar\u0131, bilc\u00fcmle resmi hizmete mahsus vas\u0131talar\u0131n siren sesleri ve ara\u00e7lar\u0131ndan inmi\u015f yol boyunca dizilmi\u015f insanlar\u0131n u\u011fultusu tamaml\u0131yordu. Bu adeta yeni ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f bir g\u00f6\u00e7 manzaras\u0131 gibiydi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc ilerleyemeyen kervandan ayr\u0131lmaya karar k\u0131ld\u0131.  Otob\u00fcsten \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131 ald\u0131. Pe\u015fi peya y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. Nereye do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden emin olmadan yaln\u0131zca bir hisle; t\u00fcm ya\u015fam\u0131 boyunca yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi do\u011fru yolda y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne dair kuvvetli bir imanla y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. Yol yapt\u0131, k\u00f6pr\u00fc yapt\u0131 <\/em>Erdo\u011fan bulvarlar\u0131ndan, yerle yeksan olmu\u015f yaya ge\u00e7itlerinin \u00fcst\u00fcnden ge\u00e7ti. Yar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f asfaltlar\u0131n \u00fczerinden, \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f viyad\u00fcklerin, k\u00f6pr\u00fclerin yama\u00e7lar\u0131ndan y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc ge\u00e7ti. Afallam\u0131\u015f, istink\u00e2f etmi\u015f, ne yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmeyen muvazzaflarla beraber y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. A\u011fla\u015fan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n, yolun a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 bekleyen adamlara mahzun bakan kad\u0131nlar\u0131n, umudunu yitirmi\u015f mecalsiz g\u00f6r\u00fcnen ya\u015fl\u0131lar\u0131n yanlar\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ti.  Beyaban\u0131 Gul-i yaban\u2019n\u0131n ba\u011fr\u0131n\u0131 yard\u0131 ge\u00e7ti. Do\u011fru bildi\u011fi yolda a\u00e7l\u0131k duymadan, susuzluk hissetmeden, yorulmadan, yeisse kap\u0131lmadan, y\u00fcks\u00fcnmeden kilometrece, saatlerce y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc.  Nurda\u011f\u0131, K\u0131r\u0131khan yol ayr\u0131m\u0131nda durdu.  Benzin istasyonun \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bekleyen bir otomobile yana\u015f\u0131p \u201cAntakya\u2019ya gidiyorum.\u201d<\/em> dedi. \u201cYollar kapal\u0131ym\u0131\u015f karde\u015fim! Bin gitti\u011fi yere kadar\u2026\u2019\u2019. <\/em>Bindi, gitti\u011fi yere kadar!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Antakya\u2019ya vard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda zelzelenin ikinci \u015fafa\u011f\u0131 do\u011fmak \u00fczereydi! Memlekete ho\u015f geldin Musab! <\/em>Kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 manzaray\u0131, lisana terc\u00fcme edebilmek kabil de\u011fildi.  Ruhundan dile indirgenemeyecek bir vaveyla koptu. A\u011fz\u0131, dili kurudu! Kerbela\u2019y\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc! Helak oldu! Ayakta bilincini yitirmi\u015f\u00e7esine iki yana salland\u0131! O kadar derinden o denli \u015fiddetli bitap d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc ki! Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hissedemedi! Me\u011ferki siz b\u00fcy\u00fck bir felaketten arda kalan ki\u015fiyseniz, e\u011fer ki siz b\u00fcy\u00fck bir y\u0131k\u0131mdan arda kalan \u015feylere bakan ki\u015fiyseniz neredeyse hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hissedemiyorsunuz! Beyninin i\u00e7inde mahvolmu\u015flu\u011fun g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fc, y\u00fcre\u011finde hissizli\u011fin tuhaf g\u00fcmb\u00fcrt\u00fcs\u00fc m\u00fctemadiyen y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc! Her g\u00fcn ge\u00e7ti\u011fi yollardan ge\u00e7ti. Neresi oldu\u011funu bilemedi! Nerede oldu\u011funu bilemedi! \u00d6l\u00fc canlar g\u00f6rd\u00fc! Ezilmi\u015f, yanm\u0131\u015f, pi\u015fmi\u015f, uzuvlar\u0131 kopmu\u015f, par\u00e7alanm\u0131\u015f \u00f6l\u00fc kad\u0131nlar; anneler, erkekler; babalar, gen\u00e7ler; sevgililer, \u00e7ocuklar; ye\u011fenler g\u00f6rd\u00fc! Kom\u015fular, eni\u015fteler, kay\u0131nvalideler, b\u00fcy\u00fckbabalar, amcao\u011fullar\u0131, day\u0131lar, halalar g\u00f6rd\u00fc! Kiminin \u00fczeri bir gazeteyle, \u00e7\u00f6p po\u015fetiyle, kartonla, battaniyeyle \u00f6rt\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, kimi   kald\u0131r\u0131m\u0131n \u00fczerine \u00e7\u0131r\u0131l\u00e7\u0131plak b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, kimi hala derin uykusunda gibi \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f insanlar g\u00f6rd\u00fc! Hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmemesi gerekti\u011fi kadar mebzul \u00f6l\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fc! \u00d6l\u00fclerin y\u00fczlerine bakt\u0131, enkazlar\u0131n \u00fczerinde da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f mevtalara bakt\u0131! Yitirdiklerinin ba\u015f\u0131nda ac\u0131dan kendinden ge\u00e7mi\u015f insanlar\u0131n y\u00fczlerine bakt\u0131! \u0130niltiler duydu! Yard\u0131m \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131! A\u011f\u0131tlar, figanlar, h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar! Hi\u00e7 duymamas\u0131 gereken \u015feyler duydu! \u0130lkokulunun yan\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ti fark etmedi! Lisesinin \u00f6n\u00fcnde oldu\u011funu y\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131n aras\u0131nda duran tabeladan anlad\u0131! \u00c7ocuklu\u011funun, ilk gen\u00e7li\u011finin, gen\u00e7li\u011finin yok olu\u015funu g\u00f6rd\u00fc! Bir memleketin \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fc! T\u00fcm bu olanlar o ya\u015farken oldu! O ya\u015farken koptu k\u0131yamet! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elim bir ak\u015fam harabe memleketinin \u00fczerine azmi kasvetiyle \u00e7\u00f6kerken yerle yeksan olmu\u015f evini buldu. Ev diye bildi\u011fi her \u015feyi betondan, pasl\u0131 demirden, tu\u011fladan m\u00fcrekkep toz duman moloz y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda buldu. Kom\u015fular\u0131n\u0131, tan\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131, ahbaplar\u0131n\u0131 h\u00fclasa insanlar\u0131n\u0131! Onlarla kap\u0131 a\u011fz\u0131nda denk geli\u015flerini, ayak\u00fcst\u00fc hal-hat\u0131r sohbetlerini, munis selamla\u015fmalar\u0131, her birinin ay\u0131rt edici; nevi \u015fah\u0131slar\u0131na m\u00fcnhas\u0131r hal, tav\u0131r, huylar\u0131n\u0131!  Ya\u015fant\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, an\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131, g\u00fcndelik al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131, sevincini, h\u00fczn\u00fcn\u00fc, emniyet hissini, s\u0131\u011f\u0131nak g\u00fcvencesini, huzurun asude \u015fahsi manevisini, peyder pey sab\u0131rla ta\u015f-duvara \u00fcfledi\u011fi genius logiyi, yani kompozit kap\u0131lardan, kapitone koltuklardan, laminat parkelerden, ankastrelerden, no-frost buzdolaplar\u0131ndan, Qled televizyonlardan \u00f6te t\u00fcm bu pahas\u0131 bi\u00e7ilmi\u015f \u015feylerden ziyade o ev denen duyguyu yitip gitmi\u015f buldu.  Ta ki bu kahhar musibet vaktine de\u011fin ev mefhumunu bu denli sarih akl\u00ee idrak edememi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu insan muhayyilesini ve her t\u00fcrl\u00fc tasavvuru a\u015fan fecaatin i\u00e7erisinde bir ku\u015f akl\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7eldi. Unutulmu\u015f bir \u015feyi bir anda an\u0131msar gibi irkilerek Nazan\u2019\u0131 hat\u0131rlad\u0131. \u201cNazan i\u00e7erde mi?\u201d<\/em> diye sordu. Daha d\u00fcne kadar y\u0131llar boyunca hepimizin yuvas\u0131 olan \u015fimdi pek \u00e7o\u011fumuzun mezar\u0131 olmu\u015f olan bu enkaz\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda yak\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131 bekleyen peri\u015fan kalabal\u0131ktan biri \u2013 \u201cEvet\u201d<\/em> diye yan\u0131tlad\u0131. Musab\u2019\u0131n, \u00fcst kom\u015fusu Nazan, ah ki saf Nazan, g\u00fcnahs\u0131z, vebalsiz, masum Nazan! G\u00fcnlerinin kahhar-ekseriyetini ya\u015fl\u0131 annesinin nezaretinde evinde ge\u00e7irirdi. Nazan\u2019\u0131n evden tek ba\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131na m\u00fcsaade edilmezdi.  G\u00fcvende oldu\u011fundan emin olunan bir kozan\u0131n i\u00e7inde sarmalanm\u0131\u015f gibi ya\u015fard\u0131. Musab, Nazan\u2019\u0131, neredeyse her g\u00fcn onun k\u0131s\u0131tlanm\u0131\u015f ya\u015fant\u0131s\u0131ndaki, d\u00fcnyaya ve hayata a\u00e7\u0131lan yeg\u00e2ne imk\u00e2n\u0131 olan penceresinin kenar\u0131nda oturmu\u015f caddeden gelip ge\u00e7enleri, binaya girip \u00e7\u0131kanlar\u0131 seyrederken yak\u0131n bulduklar\u0131na \u00e7ocuksu bir sevin\u00e7le el sallarken daha yak\u0131n hissettiklerini ise bir kahve i\u00e7meye davet ederken g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fc. Nadiren de d\u0131\u015far\u0131da ak\u0131p giden hayata kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131n\u0131n ona verdi\u011fi mutluluk i\u00e7erisinde ya\u015fl\u0131 annesiyle beraber e\u015f-dost-akraba ziyaretlerine giderken yahut d\u00f6nerken g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fc. Nazan, her kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmalar\u0131nda Musab\u2019\u0131 mahcup, \u00e7ekingen ama g\u00fcle\u00e7 bir bi\u00e7imde sadece ba\u015f\u0131yla selamlard\u0131. Bunu da s\u00f6ylemek gerekir: Nazan hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok ki t\u0131ls\u0131ml\u0131 biriydi!  O, i\u00e7ten tebess\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc ona tesad\u00fcf eden hemen herkesin \u00e7ehresine insiyaki bir yolla aksettiren biriydi. Belki de denebilir ki bu onun y\u00fcz\u00fc suyu h\u00fcrmetine da\u011f\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131 sadakas\u0131yd\u0131! Kendisine bah\u015fedilmi\u015f olan\u0131 c\u00f6mert\u00e7e nasipsizlere de arma\u011fan ediyordu! O g\u00fcl\u00fcmserdi; g\u00fcl\u00fcmserdiniz. O ayd\u0131nlat\u0131rd\u0131 tesad\u00fcf\u00fc!  Musab bu her g\u00fcnk\u00fc kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmalardan halis bir saadet duyard\u0131! Zira Musab\u2019a \u00f6yle geliyordu ki: Nazan\u2019\u0131n bu hikmetli lisan\u0131 hali akli, lafzi, maddi olan\u0131n vukufsuz sahas\u0131na mutlak bir hudut \u00e7iziyordu! Musab\u2019\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck yan\u0131lg\u0131s\u0131 hari\u00e7te ayd\u0131nlan\u0131yordu!  Nazan\u2019\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, kozmografik bir rastlant\u0131yla Nazan\u2019\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131na \u015fehadet ediyor olmay\u0131 kendisine verilmi\u015f bir hediye telakki ediyordu.  H\u00fclasa Nazan iyi ki var olan biriydi! Nazan iyi ki do\u011fmu\u015f biriydi! \u015eimdi t\u00fcm g\u00f6zlerden \u0131rak me\u00e7hul bir uykuda uyuyordu!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu z\u00e2hir ile b\u00e2t\u0131n aras\u0131nda meczubane sal\u0131n\u0131p savruldu\u011fu tefekk\u00fcrlerden ay\u0131ld\u0131.  \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fcn so\u011fuk solu\u011fu, hayatta kalanlar\u0131n sarho\u015flu\u011fa yak\u0131n bitap maraz\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcne bir tokat gibi \u00e7arpt\u0131. Sigaras\u0131n\u0131 yakt\u0131 ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 yukar\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p karanl\u0131k g\u00f6\u011fe bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rabbim<\/em> dedi! Duraksad\u0131 Ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla! <\/em>dedi. Sustu! \u201cDilerim Nazan\u2019\u0131n cenneti Nazan\u2019a mahsus olabilir! Nazan m\u00fcstesna! Nazan pencere \u00f6n\u00fc \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi! Nazan sabahlar\u0131 \u00e7i\u011fdem, ak\u015fam\u00fczerleri nergis, Nazan pencere \u00f6n\u00fc menek\u015fesi her ak\u015fam\u2026  Penceresi geni\u015f bir caddeye baksa, ak\u015fam g\u00fcne\u015fi yana\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015fasa, kald\u0131r\u0131mlardan insanlar ge\u00e7se, insanlar mesut, insanlar m\u00fcreffeh,<\/em> <\/em>insanlar m\u00fctebessim herkesin a\u011fz\u0131nda ya\u015famaktan ho\u015fnut bir tat! Misal mavi bir otob\u00fcs ge\u00e7se, bir nine alt\u0131n g\u00fcn\u00fcnden gelse, bir baba k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 parka g\u00f6t\u00fcrse, bir anne o\u011flunu<\/em> <\/em>\u00f6n\u00fcne katm\u0131\u015f pazardan d\u00f6nse, okuldan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f iki gen\u00e7 k\u0131z ho\u015f sohbet y\u00fcr\u00fcse, bir torun dedesine p\u00fcrne\u015fe ak\u015fam ki ma\u00e7\u0131 anlatsa, bir adam sigaras\u0131n\u0131 yaksa, karanfil koksa, e\u015fi yana\u011f\u0131ndan \u00f6pse, g\u00f6lgede bir kedi gerinse,  <\/em>az evvel<\/em> d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015fen veletler hemencecik bar\u0131\u015fsa, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir o\u011flan \u00e7ocu\u011fu arkada\u015f\u0131na yeni kramponlar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6sterse, yol g\u00f6zleyen bir delikanl\u0131 utana s\u0131k\u0131la papatyas\u0131n\u0131 saklasa; yolu g\u00f6zlenen boynuna sar\u0131lsa, \u0131l\u0131k bir meltem esse, apartman aralar\u0131ndan \u00e7ocuk c\u0131v\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131 y\u00fckselse, pervaza bir ku\u015f konsa, annesi i\u00e7erden Nazan\u2019a seslense, Nazan elmas\u0131n\u0131 dilimlese,  hepimize g\u00fcl\u00fcmsese, o bizi g\u00f6rse, biz onu g\u00f6rsek, Rabbim g\u00f6rsen! Seyyid\u00fc’l Enbiya\u2019l Mustafa onu g\u00f6zetse, mesela bir ravza hep cumartesi olsa, Nazan uyusa, hi\u00e7 uyanmam\u0131\u015f olsa, can\u0131 hi\u00e7 yanmam\u0131\u015f olsa, bir ku\u015f olsa u\u00e7up gitse, devri daim olsa\u2026\u201d <\/em>diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sigaras\u0131n\u0131n izmaritini molozlara bast\u0131rarak ezdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arama kurtarma ekibinin spot \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yapay bir ay gibi arkas\u0131nda par\u0131ldarken enkaz\u0131n \u00fczerine t\u0131rmand\u0131. Ma\u011flup bir sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131 gibi \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. Apokaliptik bir tragedyan\u0131n son tirad\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylercesine elem i\u00e7inde m\u0131r\u0131ldand\u0131:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNazan! Bak! Fatih amca, Suphi amca, Zeliha teyze, Apo abi, T\u00fcrkan abla, S\u00fcsl\u00fc, Sulu, hafta i\u00e7i her g\u00fcn ayn\u0131 saatte k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 okuldan eve getiren gen\u00e7 baba, ete\u011finden ayr\u0131lmayan iki yavrusuyla Suriyeli gen\u00e7 anne, Harun ve yeni ayaklanm\u0131\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flu, arkalar\u0131nda ben, Musab; arda kalan! Biz, hepimiz bir ta\u015frada kendi ya\u011f\u0131nda kavrulup gidenler  pencerenin alt\u0131ndan sana kalbi sevgimizle el sall\u0131yoruz! Ho\u015f\u00e7a kal Nazan, bir ad\u0131n kald\u0131 geriye b\u00fct\u00fcn bu y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u015feylerin nihayetinde bir de kahreden bu nev gurbet!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gelecekte g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcz!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mustafa Kemal Ers\u00f6z \u201cWa-ana athkuru Rita mithlama yathkuru asfurun ghadeera\u201d \u015eubat\u2019\u0131n be\u015finci g\u00fcn\u00fc, vakit gece, ortal\u0131k zemheri k\u0131yamet buras\u0131 Amed. Ulu Camii\u2019nin kar\u015f\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131m\u0131nda durmu\u015f Musab yine sigara i\u00e7iyor. Botlar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ine giydi\u011fi kat kat \u00e7oraplar\u0131 kar suyundan s\u0131r\u0131ls\u0131klam nedense \u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcyor, zihni duru ve a\u00e7\u0131k i\u00e7inde nedensiz bir ferahl\u0131k mu\u015fmula surat\u0131 varl\u0131\u011fa g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor. Musab, mutlu. Birka\u00e7 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":616,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-615","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-kultur"},"yoast_head":"\nNAZAN\u2019IN CENNET\u0130 - ehlen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cNereye Payidar nereye?\u201d. \u00c7\u0131k\u0131yor mu bu yol bir yere?\u00a0 \u00d6rt\u00fcne b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcp de kula\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerine yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda hakikat kaybolup da gidiyor mu?\u00a0\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/ehlendergisi.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/nazanin-cenneti\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"NAZAN\u2019IN CENNET\u0130 - 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