Bar\u0131\u015f Can <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bug\u00fcn bir baba olarak \u00e7aresizli\u011fimden utand\u0131m, bir \u015fey yapamamam\u0131n acizli\u011fiyle kavruldum. “Baba, bug\u00fcn olmamas\u0131 gereken bir \u015fey \u00f6\u011frendim, do\u011fru olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yle ne olur, \u00f6yle bir \u015fey olamaz de\u011fil mi baba” diye bir mesaj att\u0131 k\u0131z\u0131m. Enkaz haline gelen evimizden sa\u011f \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131klar\u0131nda sar\u0131p sarmalad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve g\u00fcvende olsun diye kilometrelerce uza\u011fa g\u00f6nderdi\u011fim k\u0131z\u0131ma ula\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum, akl\u0131mda deli sorular. Korkuyla, endi\u015feyle, tarifi m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmayan bin bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyle g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcl\u00fc arad\u0131m. A\u011fl\u0131yordu ama ben onu kollar\u0131ma al\u0131p avutam\u0131yordum. En iyi arkada\u015f\u0131, annesi, babas\u0131 ve k\u0131z karde\u015finin g\u00f6\u00e7\u00fck alt\u0131nda kal\u0131p \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015fti. Hen\u00fcz 10 ya\u015f\u0131ndaki k\u0131z\u0131m bu y\u00fck\u00fcn a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 alt\u0131nda \u00f6yle duruyordu kar\u015f\u0131mda ve ben \u00e7aresiz ona dokunam\u0131yordum. Birden “Bana abla derdi hep, en iyi arkada\u015f\u0131md\u0131 o benim” diye a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131 tekrar. Nutkum tutuldu, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcld\u00fcm, ezildim. Hi\u00e7 bu kadar s\u00f6zs\u00fcz kalmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7ime a\u011flad\u0131m, biz b\u00fcy\u00fckler a\u011flamadan, ac\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ya\u015fayamadan ko\u015fturmak zorundayd\u0131k, delilik hali yani. Akl\u0131mdan ilk ge\u00e7en, ke\u015fke sana bir hediye alabilsem, a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131nda i\u00e7inden \u00e7\u0131kan makinenin tu\u015flar\u0131na bas ve depremi s\u0131f\u0131rla, 6 \u015eubat 2023 Pazartesi sabah\u0131 ya\u015fanan o felaketi s\u0131f\u0131rla, diyebilsem. Bu m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi ki ve ben imk\u00e2ns\u0131z\u0131 m\u00fcmk\u00fcn k\u0131lamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in utand\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hi\u00e7 bu kadar \u00e7aresiz kalmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u00c7aresiz ve s\u00f6zs\u00fcz kalmaktan utand\u0131m!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sen a\u011flayarak telefonu kapad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, tam bir ay sonra ilk defa d\u00f6rt duvar aras\u0131nda yata\u011fa uzan\u0131yordum, yataktaki s\u0131rt\u0131m utand\u0131. D\u0131\u015farda ya\u011fan ya\u011fmur, \u00e7\u0131kan f\u0131rt\u0131na kendinden utand\u0131. Acaba h\u00e2l\u00e2 \u00e7ad\u0131r da\u011f\u0131tamayanlar kendinden utand\u0131 m\u0131? Bu \u00e7a\u011fda 23 sentlik de\u011ferimiz var m\u0131 acaba? Param\u0131zla \u00fcretilen \u00e7ad\u0131rlar\u0131 ba\u015fkas\u0131na satm\u0131\u015flar, donmamak i\u00e7in \u00e7ad\u0131r istedik en b\u00fcy\u00fck vatan haini biz olduk, acaba bizi hain ilan edenler hi\u00e7 utand\u0131 m\u0131? Oysa \u015fu an beni \u00e7evreleyen d\u00f6rt duvar utand\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Art\u0131k y\u0131k\u0131k d\u00f6k\u00fck olmu\u015f ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z apartmana gitmi\u015ftim d\u00fcn. Mucizevi bir \u015fekilde \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n odana girdim elimde bir \u00e7uval. Dedim ya, delilik h\u00e2li, sana ait ne varsa molozlar aras\u0131ndan bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u015eansl\u0131y\u0131m diyordum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7uvala s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, bulabildi\u011fim an\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131, ellerimle, y\u00fcre\u011fimle sana ta\u015f\u0131yordum onlar\u0131. G\u00f6z\u00fc k\u00e2r h\u0131rs\u0131 b\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015flerin yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131, alt dairelerin yer karosundan sular f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran, asans\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcn zemininden su s\u0131zan, duvar\u0131 malzemesiz \u00f6r\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, harabe evimizden, apartman\u0131m\u0131zdan, ta\u015f\u0131yordum kendi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, i\u00e7i s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z \u00e7uval\u0131n\u0131. \u00c7uval\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce arkadaki, yandaki sa\u011flam apartman utand\u0131, duvarlar\u0131 utand\u0131. \u0130l\u00e7enin ismini ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 evin yan\u0131ndaki Defne a\u011fac\u0131 utand\u0131. Acaba, hi\u00e7bir e\u011fitimi olmadan m\u00fcteahhit olan, torpille belediye meclis \u00fcyesi de olan m\u00fcteahhit utand\u0131 m\u0131? Belediyeye m\u00fcteahhitleri dolduranlar utand\u0131 m\u0131? Millet utand\u0131, acaba vekili utand\u0131 m\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Zaman ak\u0131yordu t\u00fcm zulm\u00fcyle ve ben, depremden sonra ilk defa \u015fehir d\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum. (Severim bir yerden bir yere gitmeyi hele ki sana yolu \u00e7\u0131kan yolculuklar\u0131.) Bu sefer Samanda\u011f’dan kalbim s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f, h\u00fcz\u00fcnle yol al\u0131yorum sana do\u011fru. Ge\u00e7ti\u011fim her sokakta her caddede ne dostlar kalm\u0131\u015f ne de an\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z. Hala g\u00f6\u00e7\u00fckler sarm\u0131\u015f etraf\u0131, yollar kapal\u0131. Yol kenarlar\u0131nda \u00e7oluklu \u00e7ocuklu, ya\u015fl\u0131, gen\u00e7 insanlar, ya akrabad\u0131r ya e\u015f dost ya da tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z; i\u015fte \u00f6yle bir yerle\u015fkedir buras\u0131. Biz oradan ge\u00e7erken ya\u015fama tutunmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bu insanlar utand\u0131. Acaba tan\u0131d\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcne sebep olan bu m\u00fcteahhitler utand\u0131 m\u0131? Peki bu kahreden manzara ve \u00f6l\u00fcmlerin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda hi\u00e7 utanm\u0131\u015flar m\u0131d\u0131r yerel y\u00f6neticiler? Hani en eskisinden en yenisine. Ya Antakya’daki y\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda hi\u00e7 utanm\u0131\u015flar m\u0131d\u0131r oradaki yereller? R\u00f6nesans\u2019taki \u00f6l\u00fcmler i\u00e7in savunma yapanlar biraz olsun utand\u0131 m\u0131, bu ilk\u00e7a\u011f manzaras\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda? Art\u0131k g\u00f6mecek yer kalmayan mezarl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z utand\u0131. Ceketini koyup kazand\u0131ranlar yerine, enkazdan \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131m okul ceketin utand\u0131! Utanm\u0131\u015flar m\u0131d\u0131r o ceketin sahipleri ya da tek bir kelime ile s\u00fcrekli imar aff\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karan?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ah can\u0131m, dedim ya hi\u00e7 bu kadar s\u00f6zs\u00fcz ve \u00e7aresiz kalmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Ama art\u0131k delirdik, biraz da heybede kalan delili\u011fimizin s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri kald\u0131 size. \u015eu an se\u00e7im yakla\u015ft\u0131 en de\u011ferli malzeme biziz! Birer oy hesab\u0131, politik olan\u0131n malzemesi yani. Onlar i\u00e7in politikan\u0131n malzemesi olan bizim yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015f ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131z, topra\u011fa verdi\u011fimiz canlar\u0131m\u0131z, hayatlar\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131 oysa. Koyulacak sand\u0131klar, say\u0131lacak oylar utand\u0131r\u0131r m\u0131 bilmem ama biraz y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcz k\u0131zarm\u0131\u015f, utanm\u0131\u015fsan\u0131z e\u011fer, bize mezar olan bu \u015fehirlere gelmeden her biriniz bug\u00fcnden tezi yok amas\u0131z-fakats\u0131z, \u00f6nce kendinizden ba\u015flayarak hesap sorulsun. Hamaset yapmadan beraber bu yollarda y\u00fcr\u00fcklerinizden, zengin etti\u011finiz m\u00fcteahhitlerinizden partida\u015flar\u0131n\u0131za, ceketlerinizden, yolda\u015flar\u0131n\u0131za kadar sorumlular\u0131n hepsinden\u2026 Ama g\u00f6\u00e7\u00fck alt\u0131ndaki avukatlar utand\u0131, terazisi bozulan Themis utand\u0131, ya biz!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ya, bu y\u0131k\u0131mlarda, s\u00fcre\u00e7lerde pay\u0131 olan ki\u015filerin \u015fu an halka yard\u0131m ediyormu\u015f gibi g\u00f6z\u00fckmelerine ne demeli ya da ya\u015fananlar\u0131 reklam\u0131n\u0131n malzemesi olarak kullanan, gelen yard\u0131m da\u011f\u0131t\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 bir g\u00fc\u00e7 olarak g\u00f6renler, siyasetin mezesi yapanlar utan\u0131r m\u0131 bilmem ama ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fayamayanlar utand\u0131! Siyasetin malzemesi yap\u0131lan toprak alt\u0131ndaki Canlar utand\u0131 ya siz ger\u00e7ekten utand\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131? Biz birbirimizi biliriz!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yerle bir olmu\u015f otogara girdim, herkesin elinde \u00e7antalar ve kocaman \u00e7uvallar hayatlar\u0131ndan geriye kalanlar, hat\u0131ralar\u2026 Ben de s\u0131rt\u0131ma al\u0131yorum ufak \u00e7uval\u0131, otob\u00fcse yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a a\u011f\u0131rla\u015f\u0131yor \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Otob\u00fcs\u00fcn bagaj\u0131 s\u0131\u011fm\u0131yor art\u0131k koltuk aralar\u0131nda koridora s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f her \u015fey. \u00d6zenle kuca\u011f\u0131mda ta\u015f\u0131yorum sana ait ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131klar\u0131, an\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131. Otob\u00fcs hareket etti\u011finde fark ediyorum, \u0131\u015f\u0131l \u0131\u015f\u0131l olan \u015fehrin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. Ay da \u0131\u015f\u0131ldam\u0131yor, belki olanlar\u0131 hi\u00e7 de\u011filse ak\u015fam karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na hapsetmek i\u00e7in, belki de utanc\u0131ndand\u0131r ayd\u0131nlatmamas\u0131, \u0131\u015f\u0131ldamamas\u0131. Bunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fck\u00e7e bu sefer i\u00e7ime de\u011fil d\u0131\u015f\u0131ma ak\u0131t\u0131yorum g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131, yan\u0131mda a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 tuttu\u011fum k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7uval\u0131n. \u015eehirden uzakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a yol utan\u0131yor, otob\u00fcs utan\u0131yor, ya\u011fan ya\u011fmuru i\u00e7ine alan toprak utan\u0131yor, biz hayatta kalanlar utan\u0131yoruz. Ellerimin aras\u0131ndaki gittik\u00e7e a\u011f\u0131rla\u015fan, arkada\u015f\u0131n\u0131n seninle olan resimleri i\u00e7eren \u00e7uval utan\u0131yor. Ve kelimeler s\u00f6z olmaktan utand\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yazardan not: Bu yaz\u0131 ilk olarak K\u0131saDalga’da yay\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Bar\u0131\u015f Can Bug\u00fcn bir baba olarak \u00e7aresizli\u011fimden utand\u0131m, bir \u015fey yapamamam\u0131n acizli\u011fiyle kavruldum. “Baba, bug\u00fcn olmamas\u0131 gereken bir \u015fey \u00f6\u011frendim, do\u011fru olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yle ne olur, \u00f6yle bir \u015fey olamaz de\u011fil mi baba” diye bir mesaj att\u0131 k\u0131z\u0131m. Enkaz haline gelen evimizden sa\u011f \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131klar\u0131nda sar\u0131p sarmalad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve g\u00fcvende olsun diye kilometrelerce uza\u011fa g\u00f6nderdi\u011fim k\u0131z\u0131ma ula\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":119,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-117","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-siyaset"},"yoast_head":"\n